For me a big part of spiritual awakening is learning to be bored, tired, broken hearted, judgmental, confused and unworthy.
Instead of leading to sadness, knowing and excepting this seems to lead to hapiness and freedom. When we release the mirage of the idea of spiritual perfection, spiritual neurosis can shatter and fall away. And the underlying anxiety associated with the shame of imperfection becomes absurd.
In moments of transcendence we might experience grace, and in those moments we might see we are loved unconditionally exactly as we are, that it’s the letting go of the idea of holiness which helps us experience true Whole - I - ness.
Lau Tsu reminds us:
“He who stands on tiptoe
doesn't stand firm.
He who rushes ahead
doesn't go far.
He who tries to shine
dims his own light…
Better stop short than fill to the brim.
Oversharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt.”
The middle path is simple, don’t try to be too holy or unholy.
There is a richness to life, in learning to meet it as it is and letting the desire for it to be anything other than this to fall away.
The great paradox .. when we are happy to be less we seem to become more.