This used to really trouble me, as a spiritual seeker, as someone who followed the path of devotion and had studied of the worlds religions.
So much so that when I was going through my dark night of the soul, which is a stage of the journey in which we are shown the limitation of our intellect and mind.
I remember one night sitting in bed confused, praying for guidance, realising that all I had was philosophy, the odd mystical existence that had come and gone and a whole heap of others peoples ideas but still no real idea or direct perception.
And with that sadness and confusion, the realisation that after 20 years of enquiry ‘I didn’t know!’ and could even be making all of this up to cover my fear of not existing.. I fell into a troubled sleep.
It was 4am when I woke up that morning and instead of this feeling of sadness and depression that had haunted me for so long, something else was there. A feeling of absolute stillness, a feeling I would later call ‘peaceful lovingness.’
It was as if the whole universe had become still, beautiful and radiated with a gentle kind of love.
This feeling lasted a few hours but soon I forget about it again and days turned into months again, and I’d start suffering again and I’d pray earnestly again .. ‘what is God?’
Sometimes instantly this feeling would descend on me, usually I’d feel it come down though my crown and in to my body, filling me with peace and calm lovingness.
I’ve come to believe that over time this is all we have to do to reconnect with that presence .. relax ... let go .. open up to the moment, to life .. maybe smile and just be.
This is the value of having a healthy mind, body and emotional state as it allows that connection to become clearer.
I think it is literal that ‘God is love’ and that ‘God is the peace that is beyond understanding,’ but also that many of the worlds religions and traditions have taken ownership of something that is yours to enjoy on a 1-1 basis.
As the Cristian Mystic Thomas Keating said “Silence is God's first language; everything else is a poor translation. In order to hear that language, we must learn to be still...”